How to Feel More Loving Towards Your Spouse

February 1, 2018 @ 10:00 AM

I met with a male client this week who spoke of feeling indifferent towards his wife. He stated that he did not like her very much, that they had a “horrible marriage,” and that he was staying because of the children. I hear this kind of thing a lot, but my heart still breaks every time, because I know that God has so much more planned for Christian couples. As Christ followers, we should have the best marriages. Our God invented marriage! Our God is love! Yet many of us live in daily defeat and unhappiness. So how can we, in small ways begin to cultivate warmer thoughts towards our partner? Here are a few simple ideas.

1. Reflect on the Earlier Days. What drew you to your spouse? Was he kind and always put you first? Was she.........

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How Much Time Do Couples Spend Together?

January 1, 2018 @ 10:00 AM

Couple drinking coffee, reading newspaper and talking

Well, if you guessed 4 minutes per day you were right!


Interesting fact by

Five Tips for Getting More Time Alone with Your Spouse

Love must be fed and nurtured...first and foremost it demands time.
- David Mace

Were you surprised by the answer to the quiz? Four minutes a day! The average couple spends FOUR minutes a day alone together! No wonder so many marriages are in crisis! 

It seems as if busyness has become a national pastime, especially for those of us with kids. If we're not stuck in twelve hour work days, on the highway, or shuttling children to a multitude of activities, we're engulfed in chores, errands, homework, or... you fill in the gaps. Sometimes we don't even ...

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How Many Times Each Year Do Couples Have Sex?

December 1, 2017 @ 10:00 AM

Intimate Couple Image

The average married couple has sex 58 times per year, or slightly more than once a week.

This leads me to my next blog topic...

How to Have More Sex 

As you can imagine this is a hot topic! And I do not profess to be an expert. There is actually a counseling specialty for this. It is called Sex Therapy. However, in my years of working as a marriage counselor and being married myself, I do know a thing or two! My plan is not to provide a long dissertation on the subject but just to give a few quick tips. Here goes –

1. Talk about your sex needs

It is important for each partner to be aware of and meet the sexual needs of the other. Talking about these needs helps build communication and intimacy, and clears up any ............

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Is a Great Marriage Possible?

November 1, 2017 @ 10:00 AM

Contrary to popular belief, it is possible for us as couples to grow in our understanding of each other and to have healthy communication in our marriages, but for too many, this seems like an unattainable goal. To be honest, most of us have given up and have resigned ourselves consciously or unconsciously to just going through the motions in our marriages. Yet in John 10:10 Jesus promised us rich, fruitful and extravagant lives, but how many of us are living like He promised? Trust me, He wasn’t lying. This kind of living, these kinds of marriages are available to us, but how do we get there? Where do we start? As with everything in our lives, I believe we start with Jesus. And I hope you don’t think I’m being corny. I&..................

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Ann Marie and Tim - Part 2

October 1, 2017 @ 10:00 AM

Last month we heard about Ann Marie and Tim's challenging marriage. After visiting a divorce attorney and spending the weekend in prayer, Ann Marie heard from God that she was the one that needed to change.

During their first “altercation” after God had spoken, Ann Marie prayed silently begging God for His power and to fill her with love for her husband. She asked God to help her see him through His eyes, the eyes of grace. God answered and gave her the strength to respond with love. Her husband was so shocked at the change that he did not know how to respond. As the weeks and months passed, she continued to show him love in tangible, affirming ways without expecting anything in return. At times, she would see him .........

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Ann Marie and Tim

September 1, 2017 @ 10:00 AM

Ann Marie and Tim married in a shot-gun style wedding after knowing each other for a few months. They had fallen madly in love and despite the warnings of family members and friends, they knew that their relationship was going to be different and would weather any storm. They were young and idealistic. However, from the first month of marriage, it was obvious to both of them that they had made a mistake and that the naysayers had been right. Now what would they do? She wanted out but was too embarrassed to hear “I told you so” from friends and family. And he just wanted out. They managed to limp along for many years of arguments and threats and eventually there was no love left. The sad part was that they were both Christians ............

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How Are You Praying?

August 1, 2017 @ 10:00 AM

Some time ago, I was seeing a lady for marital therapy. Her husband did not want to come in with her, so she had been coming in alone for several months. She was a sweet, petite, gentle woman who desperately wanted a deeper connection with her mate but did not feel like she was getting anywhere. One day we were talking about her relationship with God and I asked her how she was doing. She stated that she was struggling in her prayer life and could not understand why after she prayed, she would feel more depressed. I asked her to give me an example of what her prayers were like. She told me that she would often ask God why things were the way they were and when they would get better. She would brood over her husband’s faults and ...............

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Taking Responsibility for Our Actions and Reactions - Part 2

July 1, 2017 @ 10:00 AM

The quickest way to spread the truth is to live it. We do this by cleaning up our side of the street. In my room, when I help people see the need for this process to happen, this is where my best work takes place. Change begins here. Transformation happens when we stop blaming others and seek God for our own healing and are truthful about our faults and move towards change.

At the close of her book, “For Women Only: The Inner Lives of Men,” Shaunti Feldham shares a story about a woman who had been radically changed by the ideas in her book and seminars. This is what the woman said, “The Lord showed me that I needed to grow up. For years I focused on how Phil did not measure up to or meet my expectations, but now I am .........

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Taking Responsibility for Our Actions and Reactions

June 1, 2017 @ 10:00 AM

I remember a recent meeting with a wonderful client who I saw recently for an individual session. He and his sweet wife came in a week before because they were dealing with his extreme angry outbursts and her very disrespectful words and behavior towards him. I explained to him (as I do to all the clients in those sessions) that he could not blame Lorraine for his behavior because he was a grown up and part of being a grown up is that we must be responsible for our actions. He had never looked at it this way before. He had believed that he was compelled to act out on his anger, both verbally and physically and did not realize that he had a choice. As I always say (and probably need to stop saying it in these terms), “No one is .........

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Do You Nudge Your Spouse in Church?

May 1, 2017 @ 10:00 AM

Recently at church our pastor was sharing about the impact that his messages sometimes have on congregants. He spoke about times he would see wives nudge husbands or husband’s glare at wives during the message, when the point being shared applied to them. In this case, they were listening to the message with their partner in mind instead of themselves. Our pastor made it clear that this motive was not pure. I remember in the early days of marriage (and not so early days) praying on my way to church that the pastor would speak to Steve about his behavior. And I would listen intently for a word of conviction from the pastor that would set my husband straight and justify my “wounded” position. Those were dark, sad days. ..................

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