Understanding Our Husbands - Part 2

On the subject of respecting our husbands, it is important to honor our men in the way we communicate with them, both privately and publicly. Our words can strengthen and our words can destroy. The Bible says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” (Proverbs 18:21) Talking down to our husbands is belittling and hurtful to them. In my Jamaican culture, this is known as “treating him like a boy.” I shared this example in a couple’s therapy session recently and the term resonated with the husband. His eyes opened wide as he said, “Yes, when she talks to me like that, I feel like a child. It is so humiliating.” Ladies, let’s not wound our husbands in this way.

Similarly, when we speak disrespectfully to our men in public, it can be even more destructive. In recent blog, Matt Walsh shared his thoughts after overhearing a conversation between a couple who were out socially,  “…the husband couldn’t seem to utter a single phrase that wouldn’t provoke exaggerated eye-rolling from his wife. She disagreed with everything he said. She contradicted nearly every statement. She even nagged him. She brought up a “funny” story that made him out to be incompetent and foolish. He laughed, but I know for sure that he felt embarrassed. She was gutting him right in front of us. Emasculating him. Neutering him. Damaging him. It was excruciating. It was tragic. The respect deficiency in our culture has reached crisis levels.”

Wow! What do you feel after hearing this story? I feel his pain down in my gut. How excruciating, just like the blogger said. And do you think that the wife in this story had any idea what she was doing? I was just like that. I had no idea. All I knew was that I was hurt and telling him how I felt, not realizing that the way that I was expressing my feelings was so destructive. That woman probably had no idea either. God bless her. The lesson: we must be careful not to humiliate our husbands in public…or in private.  

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