Stephanie Weiss, a dear friend of mine wrote this beautiful piece on marriage in the pandemic and I’d love to share it with you.
The headline read “Divorce rate spikes across China after couples spend too much time together during coronavirus home quarantine,” claim Chinese officials.
Ron, a neighbor of mine, walked by our driveway this morning walking his dog. I shouted “how are you and Lisa? “We’re not divorced yet,” was his response.
I believe he was joking, because he went on to share the article he read about the current high rates of divorce in China. There is a part of me who knows that social isolation can either pull people together or tear them apart, especially in a marriage situation.
And yet think back to the time you were dating and knew he or she was the one. The one you wanted to marry and be connected to for life. The one you couldn’t wait to see, hanging on their every word, sharing physical closeness of hugs, handholding and beyond. Then sharing your marriage vows that may have included the words “’til death do us part.” Or in modern day terms “we are in this thing together baby, now and forever.”
Having been married for 47 years, I believe it’s time to invest in renewing our marriages especially while sheltering in place.
Previous to sheltering in place, do you know how much time the average couple spends together each day?
Take a guess, 4 minutes, 12 minutes, 27 minutes, 1 hour and 8 minutes?
If you guessed 4 minutes per day, you are right.
It has often been said that “familiarity breeds discontent.” But that’s not true. I believe relationships must be fed and nurtured and demand time. Guess what, now you have the time.
Observation, it seems as if business has become a national pastime, especially for those of us with kids. If we're not stuck in twelve hour work days, on the highway, or shuttling children to a multitude of activities, we're engulfed in chores, errands, homework, or... you fill in the gaps. Sometimes we don't even know where there time goes. All we know is that we're at the end of the day and frazzled with no time left to even sit for five minutes with our partner. We settle into a routine where we live like roommates or "like two ships passing in the night."
Now you have time.
The pattern does not have to continue! We can be deliberate about building strong marriages that last the test of time, that are intimate, fun-filled, with great communication and deep friendship. And this starts with being intentional about making time for each other.