I remember a recent meeting with a wonderful client who I saw recently for an individual session. He and his sweet wife came in a week before because they were dealing with his extreme angry outbursts and her very disrespectful words and behavior towards him. I explained to him (as I do to all the clients in those sessions) that he could not blame Lorraine for his behavior because he was a grown up and part of being a grown up is that we must be responsible for our actions. He had never looked at it this way before. He had believed that he was compelled to act out on his anger, both verbally and physically and did not realize that he had a choice. As I always say (and probably need to stop saying it in these terms), “No one is holding a gun to your head and telling you, you must behave that way.” Most people do not realize that their thoughts determine their feelings which determine their actions and they can change their thoughts and behaviors which in turn have an effect on our feelings. If we did not have a choice in our reactions, we would be victims of our circumstances and in our relationships. And God did not make us to be victims living in fear because He has not given us the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind to make sound choices.
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